I don't know exactly when it happened, there was no big bang to mark it...no sudden change in the wind...no bright light to warn me...but somewhere along the way, something that seemed so perfect and so right began to come undone at the seams.
Every year I try to convince myself that I'm just a little bit wiser, a little bit better than the last...but I've also learned that as much as I think I know...there is infinitely more that I don't know, and may never understand. But not for lack of trying. The last few weeks I've been high and low...asking myself the same question..trying to quantify what it is that makes me truly happy...my need to control and categorize has me spinning at the thought of not being able to find a neatly defined answer. It's like trying to hit a moving target...
So this is about new beginnings...always moving, always pushing forward, getting better, trying harder..
There are no tears because this isn't about sadness...if there's something I do well, it's accepting the lesson...so I'm trying. I'm being vague..I know. There has been some new poetry which I'll be putting up as soon as the dust settles...and I'm really going to try to be better at this blogging thing in 2009.
So all the best in the New Year! I pray you nothing but love and laughter..
p.s. I didn't get my grant. I haven't given up though...there are other ways.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Live and Learn
I meant to put up the second part of my trip...there's just too much life going on right now. There've been some major changes and I need to allow myself time to adjust and regroup. I'll be back with new poetry and hopefully a new outlook...
love, love, love...and mean it.
love, love, love...and mean it.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sugar colored girl
I'm back! And my trip was amaaaazing! I don't even know where to start. The beginning maybe? okay...
Day 1 - Nov 23
I left Edmonton at about 9 am, met up with my sister in Calgary...then flew Calgary to new york. I've actually never been to New York...picture Hiro Nakamura after he time travels to Time Square...okay not quite :) But just so excited! We had just enough time for dinner at Bubba Gump and drinks at the W and straight to bed..early flight the next day.
Day 2 - Nov 24
4 hour flight from JFK to Puerto Plata...The plane lands and people start applauding..like Naija style lol! Actually the entire airport experience was a lot like the Nigerian experience. The first thing I notice once we got out was how BEAUTIFUL these people are. I kid you not...I have not ever been surrounded by so many good looking people! So we waited for the other 2 girls to arrive..2 more would arrive the next day. Got a cab to the Ocean Manor Resort where we stayed. Beautiful place..did i mention beautiful! Everyone there was so friendly..we were welcome with a tray of great looking punch..um..with ice..of course I politely declined..I didn't get my shots remember? Hepatitis?! yeah. lol
So we get settled into our beautiful pool side room and then went to dinner at the resort restaurant...
YUMM!
Spent the rest of the evening by the pool.
Day 3 - Nov 25
There's nothing better than waking up knowing that you can spend the rest of the day doing nothing!
Had breakfast at the resort restaurant, and then walked along the beach into town for a little shopping.
Though the resort was beautiful, it is difficult to ignore the kind of poverty that people are actually living in...but even through all of it, people seemed genuinely happy and extremely welcoming to us.
Shopping is a lot like the naija experience
Buyer: How much is this?
Seller: 500 pesos
Buyer: 200!
Seller: 300 pesos last price
Buyer: I saw it for cheaper down the street
Seller: Okay 250
Buyer: 220
Seller: okay
Battering is something I've never really been good at..especially when someone in need is trying to sell something to me. Like this guy...who somehow convinced me to buy a bracelet I didn't want or need. How could you say no to this face? He also threw in a cute little anklet..I haven't taken either off since.
We spent a couple of hours laying on the beach with cold drinks. My sister and friend got massages, I really just wanted to relax and read my book (The Kite Runner! why am I just reading this book...so good! More on it later)
We met up with the last 2 girls to arrive back at the resort. The "sugar colored girls" were born :) That's what we were christened by the guys at the hotel...like brown sugar. I guess seeing 6 black females vacationing is a rarity at this resort, cause everyone seemed quite taken by us all.
We went out for dinner, drinks and dancing!
More later!!
Day 1 - Nov 23
I left Edmonton at about 9 am, met up with my sister in Calgary...then flew Calgary to new york. I've actually never been to New York...picture Hiro Nakamura after he time travels to Time Square...okay not quite :) But just so excited! We had just enough time for dinner at Bubba Gump and drinks at the W and straight to bed..early flight the next day.
Day 2 - Nov 24
4 hour flight from JFK to Puerto Plata...The plane lands and people start applauding..like Naija style lol! Actually the entire airport experience was a lot like the Nigerian experience. The first thing I notice once we got out was how BEAUTIFUL these people are. I kid you not...I have not ever been surrounded by so many good looking people! So we waited for the other 2 girls to arrive..2 more would arrive the next day. Got a cab to the Ocean Manor Resort where we stayed. Beautiful place..did i mention beautiful! Everyone there was so friendly..we were welcome with a tray of great looking punch..um..with ice..of course I politely declined..I didn't get my shots remember? Hepatitis?! yeah. lol
So we get settled into our beautiful pool side room and then went to dinner at the resort restaurant...
YUMM!
Spent the rest of the evening by the pool.
Day 3 - Nov 25
There's nothing better than waking up knowing that you can spend the rest of the day doing nothing!
Had breakfast at the resort restaurant, and then walked along the beach into town for a little shopping.
Though the resort was beautiful, it is difficult to ignore the kind of poverty that people are actually living in...but even through all of it, people seemed genuinely happy and extremely welcoming to us.
Shopping is a lot like the naija experience
Buyer: How much is this?
Seller: 500 pesos
Buyer: 200!
Seller: 300 pesos last price
Buyer: I saw it for cheaper down the street
Seller: Okay 250
Buyer: 220
Seller: okay
Battering is something I've never really been good at..especially when someone in need is trying to sell something to me. Like this guy...who somehow convinced me to buy a bracelet I didn't want or need. How could you say no to this face? He also threw in a cute little anklet..I haven't taken either off since.
We spent a couple of hours laying on the beach with cold drinks. My sister and friend got massages, I really just wanted to relax and read my book (The Kite Runner! why am I just reading this book...so good! More on it later)
We met up with the last 2 girls to arrive back at the resort. The "sugar colored girls" were born :) That's what we were christened by the guys at the hotel...like brown sugar. I guess seeing 6 black females vacationing is a rarity at this resort, cause everyone seemed quite taken by us all.
We went out for dinner, drinks and dancing!
More later!!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Sun, Sand, Sea
I leave for the Dominican Republic tomorrow! So excited. I didn't do my 40 sit ups a day as promised, nor did I go to spa lady once this week!! Sad..sad..sad. I did find a fantastic bathing suit that keeps the wobbly bits from spilling over, so I'm quite pleased about that...plus I should just really accept myself and not try to live up to the unrealistic standards of beauty that plague young black women today *power to the love handles!* haha.
So, the whole time I've been planning this trip, it didn't once occur to me to..maaaybe get some shots before I go..I decided my naija blood can handle ANYTHING! I keep having flashbacks to that Hepatitis commercial..the one with the ice cubes...yeah. So I'll just drink bottled water and avoid ice cubes... I should be fine...right?....right?
Really looking forward to New York also...hopefully when I return I'll have lots to say about my Nuyorican experience.
Till then,
Love, love, love!!!
So, the whole time I've been planning this trip, it didn't once occur to me to..maaaybe get some shots before I go..I decided my naija blood can handle ANYTHING! I keep having flashbacks to that Hepatitis commercial..the one with the ice cubes...yeah. So I'll just drink bottled water and avoid ice cubes... I should be fine...right?....right?
Really looking forward to New York also...hopefully when I return I'll have lots to say about my Nuyorican experience.
Till then,
Love, love, love!!!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Common and I
So, I met one of my idols a little while back...you might know him..his name is Common, he does a little rapping...yeah
Soon as I heard he was coming to Canada, I got online and booked a plane ticket almost immediately! I flew to Vancouver BC to see him perform. N.E.R.D opened for him..yeah..about that. I don't know what it is but I have NEVER gotten into N.E.R.D. I don't really get their music...I mean I like Pharell (Pharrell? who cares!) when he's all "beautifuuuul" with snoop dogg. But anything after that, my eyes glaze over and I just go blank...couple that with him being the only thing standing between me and Common...I was just not having it. And who are the other N.E.R.D guys anyway??
So Common finally came out on stage and I just about fell over. He's just as ammmaaazing live as he is on his CD...on repeat..at an unsafe volume..with my face pressed against the cd player...*ahem* I digress.
I went to the concert with my sister and a some friends, and she managed to get me a backstage pass. How? It's a long story...it involves two 14 year old girls, an ugly bouncer, and their "not very mom looking" mom...I've said too much already. So anyway, the show ends...and we are led back stage by someone named Moses...I kid you not! okay I'm lying...I don't know dudes name. At this point I can barely see straight. I'm about to see someone that I have literally idolized for years. No time to check a mirror to make sure I didn't look like a deranged fan...well I did..and I am...so anyway, we're led back stage to where he's taking pictures with other crazy fans. The following is a reenactment of how I met Common.
Deranged fan (DF) approaches Common and is blinded by a ray of majestic light surrounding a tall handsome figure in white
Common: Hi
DF: *mumble mumble high pitched squeal* hiii
Common: *pointing* I saw you in the crowd
DF: *did he just point at me* eeeee! *mumble mumble, squeal squeal*
DF hands camera to random bystander and stands next to Common
DF: *oh my God, he just put his arm around me* *shake shake faint*
Yes that's exactly how it happened. Minus the dramatic fainting part. Did I have something insightful and profound to say to him?? NO! I just stood there shaking....shameful.
Still waiting to hear back about the grant that I applied for. I intend on starting the process of making the album next month, so hopefully I get a response back soon. In the mean time, I've been writing like crazy...got a little more inspired after my trip to Calgary. I really just can't wait to just start.
Also, I'm going on a trip to the Dominican Republic with my sister and some friends. Yay! I leave on sunday. We'll be going through New York, so the plan is to go to the Nuyorican while we're there. Possible open mic performance? We'll see...we'll see. So yes, in lieu of my upcoming trip, I've sentenced myself to 40 situps a day! I'll be at spa lady all week, running my ass off. I need to be in tip top, bikini wearing shape come Sunday. Wish me luck!
Soon as I heard he was coming to Canada, I got online and booked a plane ticket almost immediately! I flew to Vancouver BC to see him perform. N.E.R.D opened for him..yeah..about that. I don't know what it is but I have NEVER gotten into N.E.R.D. I don't really get their music...I mean I like Pharell (Pharrell? who cares!) when he's all "beautifuuuul" with snoop dogg. But anything after that, my eyes glaze over and I just go blank...couple that with him being the only thing standing between me and Common...I was just not having it. And who are the other N.E.R.D guys anyway??
So Common finally came out on stage and I just about fell over. He's just as ammmaaazing live as he is on his CD...on repeat..at an unsafe volume..with my face pressed against the cd player...*ahem* I digress.
I went to the concert with my sister and a some friends, and she managed to get me a backstage pass. How? It's a long story...it involves two 14 year old girls, an ugly bouncer, and their "not very mom looking" mom...I've said too much already. So anyway, the show ends...and we are led back stage by someone named Moses...I kid you not! okay I'm lying...I don't know dudes name. At this point I can barely see straight. I'm about to see someone that I have literally idolized for years. No time to check a mirror to make sure I didn't look like a deranged fan...well I did..and I am...so anyway, we're led back stage to where he's taking pictures with other crazy fans. The following is a reenactment of how I met Common.
Deranged fan (DF) approaches Common and is blinded by a ray of majestic light surrounding a tall handsome figure in white
Common: Hi
DF: *mumble mumble high pitched squeal* hiii
Common: *pointing* I saw you in the crowd
DF: *did he just point at me* eeeee! *mumble mumble, squeal squeal*
DF hands camera to random bystander and stands next to Common
DF: *oh my God, he just put his arm around me* *shake shake faint*
Yes that's exactly how it happened. Minus the dramatic fainting part. Did I have something insightful and profound to say to him?? NO! I just stood there shaking....shameful.
Still waiting to hear back about the grant that I applied for. I intend on starting the process of making the album next month, so hopefully I get a response back soon. In the mean time, I've been writing like crazy...got a little more inspired after my trip to Calgary. I really just can't wait to just start.
Also, I'm going on a trip to the Dominican Republic with my sister and some friends. Yay! I leave on sunday. We'll be going through New York, so the plan is to go to the Nuyorican while we're there. Possible open mic performance? We'll see...we'll see. So yes, in lieu of my upcoming trip, I've sentenced myself to 40 situps a day! I'll be at spa lady all week, running my ass off. I need to be in tip top, bikini wearing shape come Sunday. Wish me luck!
Allow Me To Introduce Myself!
It's been forever! And everyday I get on my computer and see my blog sitting on the bookmark...and then I procrastinate a little more :)
There's so much to say, I don't even know where to start! So i'll try the beginning...
So I've been going on with this blog under a veil of semi anonymity for quite some time, not for any particular reason...but I guess it's a little bit of that fear of being a little too open and exposed. I don't talk to people about my blog or where to find it, which I've realized makes no sense. This is about sharing my art, and talking about the progress I've made in the last little while. So the veil is lifted, because I need to share who I am, so that I can really share my poetry. So I.. Titi Sonuga, officially welcome you :)
So what have I been to the last little while...plenty! I've been seeking out avenues to perform every chance I get. I was recently in Calgary for the Canadian Festival of Spoken Word...and people! There is so much great talent here. I have never felt so completely enraptured and inadequate at the same time. I'm talking heavy hitters. One poet that touched me the most was Dwayne Morgan. Not only for what this man is capable of on stage, but because of how incredibly intelligent he is off stage. As part of the festival, he held a workshop called "Living to Create" in which he talked about how to do what you love and still make a living. He's been living off poetry for 15 years! 15 years! He had so many insightful things to say, and I honestly feel so much better equipped to continue on with this thing.
Since Edmonton didn't have a slam team (boooooo!!) I signed up to do 2 open mic slots while I was there. Both went really well!
I have a friend who also writes amazing poetry (in secret!). She had never performed her poems in public till the open mic that weekend....she was sooo great! She's honest and authentic...the two things that to me, make a great poet! So keep it up friend! (I know you're reading this! lol)
Here are a couple of poets from that night Marcus Jameel and Poetic Speed.
Me doing "I AM" at the Cafe Beano open mic..i'll put up the other videos later.
I'll be back soon to talk about how I met Common..yes..Common :)
There's so much to say, I don't even know where to start! So i'll try the beginning...
So I've been going on with this blog under a veil of semi anonymity for quite some time, not for any particular reason...but I guess it's a little bit of that fear of being a little too open and exposed. I don't talk to people about my blog or where to find it, which I've realized makes no sense. This is about sharing my art, and talking about the progress I've made in the last little while. So the veil is lifted, because I need to share who I am, so that I can really share my poetry. So I.. Titi Sonuga, officially welcome you :)
So what have I been to the last little while...plenty! I've been seeking out avenues to perform every chance I get. I was recently in Calgary for the Canadian Festival of Spoken Word...and people! There is so much great talent here. I have never felt so completely enraptured and inadequate at the same time. I'm talking heavy hitters. One poet that touched me the most was Dwayne Morgan. Not only for what this man is capable of on stage, but because of how incredibly intelligent he is off stage. As part of the festival, he held a workshop called "Living to Create" in which he talked about how to do what you love and still make a living. He's been living off poetry for 15 years! 15 years! He had so many insightful things to say, and I honestly feel so much better equipped to continue on with this thing.
Since Edmonton didn't have a slam team (boooooo!!) I signed up to do 2 open mic slots while I was there. Both went really well!
I have a friend who also writes amazing poetry (in secret!). She had never performed her poems in public till the open mic that weekend....she was sooo great! She's honest and authentic...the two things that to me, make a great poet! So keep it up friend! (I know you're reading this! lol)
Here are a couple of poets from that night Marcus Jameel and Poetic Speed.
Me doing "I AM" at the Cafe Beano open mic..i'll put up the other videos later.
I'll be back soon to talk about how I met Common..yes..Common :)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Still here
Yeah it's been a long while. I'm still here though, I just have a lot of things going on right now. Good things...definitely making lots of progress with poetry. I'll have a detailed update soon.
love love love!
love love love!
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