Stories left unfinished...

Its been too too long, and truth be told I have no excuse. When I started this blog, I just knew I had to. But I have a habit of starting things and being very passionate about it, and then not having enough strength to finish. My blog sits on my bookmark a screaming reminder of another thing left unfinished. So much has happened since I last posted. I had been working on a poem for my grandmother who's funeral I never got to attend in Nigeria, eventually I got up the courage to share it with my friends. The day after I did that, my grandfather passed away. I didn't think I could stomach missing yet another farewell, so I headed home after almost 10 years away. It was a journey I needed to take and I savored every minute of it, this time I wanted to remember every smell, every feeling. My memory has failed me many times before, stolen from me a name, a face, some song I once loved. I really hate not remembering things. I'll have more to say about my trip back a little later.


For Mama

It must have been
White table cloth
Stiff, starched clean
Candles on home made cake
ready to be blown
Smiling faces celebrating you
Friend, sister, mother, grandmother
65 years strong

And then the heave
of quickening numbing pain
Shhh...she whispers be still
Rubbing 9 month heavy belly
Tired, hot, swollen
And even then I was too stubborn to listen
And too greedy to miss a party
So I arrived August 15, 1985
Blue faced, cord around my neck
Nothing was going to stop me
Your 65 year old face
Looking into my 5 minute old face
Thinking, child you’ve got some nerve

But you were my hero
Truly superhuman
We all called you mama
Young and old
You truly mothered us all
I only want to remember you this way
Not 85 years too tired legs
Slipping and falling on ceramic tile
Not the crunch crack of heavy hip bone
I don’t know those eyes quiet and ready
Too old to fight

I have no memory of that
Cold, lifelessness
None of trumpets
and tearful dancing
None of the thick thud
Of silt sand
On that wooden box
I only know you
Bright eyed, bubbling laughter
I only know you
Soft hands
Gentle smile
I only know you
Loving
Healing
Teaching
Mama