Free write...

I don't know exactly when it happened, there was no big bang to mark it...no sudden change in the wind...no bright light to warn me...but somewhere along the way, something that seemed so perfect and so right began to come undone at the seams.

Every year I try to convince myself that I'm just a little bit wiser, a little bit better than the last...but I've also learned that as much as I think I know...there is infinitely more that I don't know, and may never understand. But not for lack of trying. The last few weeks I've been high and low...asking myself the same question..trying to quantify what it is that makes me truly happy...my need to control and categorize has me spinning at the thought of not being able to find a neatly defined answer. It's like trying to hit a moving target...

So this is about new beginnings...always moving, always pushing forward, getting better, trying harder..
There are no tears because this isn't about sadness...if there's something I do well, it's accepting the lesson...so I'm trying. I'm being vague..I know. There has been some new poetry which I'll be putting up as soon as the dust settles...and I'm really going to try to be better at this blogging thing in 2009.

So all the best in the New Year! I pray you nothing but love and laughter..

p.s. I didn't get my grant. I haven't given up though...there are other ways.